Of Twisted Jacks and Broken Melodies

I am in shock. I am in denial. But the evidence is there, in all its bare, blunt truthfulness.

My headphones have died.

I keep trying to plug it in, twisting the green jack this way and that; but the sound remained distorted, the voices kept sounding no more than faint echoes in the background, and the music was still horrible.

It’s been hardly six months since we first met. There it was, in a plastic Imation cover that took me half an hour to open and cost the life of a scissor and chip off the kitchen knife.

It… we just connected the moment I first slipped it over my head and cranked the volume up. The clarity of sound… it was magical. And after being forced to use a pair of normal Nokia earphones that kept tangling up and falling out of my ears every so often, this was just simply beautiful.

The said Nokia headphones also were not supported by my laptop for some reason or other. Because of that, the only way I could use them was if I did not plug it fully in; just halfway. Fully in would mean a jumble of sounds and disruption of voices, but halfway in, the voices would be clear. But the cost; music still sounded strange, and sound effects were dubious at best.

It was better than nothing till my Imation headphones came along. Then, everything changed. My very way of laptop usage was redefined, revamped, revitalized. Movies, much more watchable. Games, much more survivable. 

But alas, all good things come to an end. And my headphones had to go.

I’m sorry, the shudder of grief took me there. A moment, please.

(Deep breath)

Earphones and headphones always seem to have a short life span in my hands. I’m not a bad owner; I just always have bad luck. And that bad luck always involves the darn wire leading to the jack which I plug in.

Something always seems to happen there at the tip of that jack. The wire gets loose, or there’s some strain on it for three hours before you realize it, or you drop your phone and it bungee jumps back into your hand. The phone survives; the earphones die in active service, forever remembered as fallen heroes. They died for the dream of a greater cause; for the survival of an iPhone, or a Galaxy, or an iPod. They will always be sorely missed.

I suppose I knew that my headphone’s days were numbered. I knew it a few months ago, when the voices first became distorted, and the music went awry. I remember a chill taking my heart; the horror that the dreaded Curse of the Earphones that had plagued me for years had come to claim yet another in the family.

I twiddled with the green jack, and the sound returned to normal, but the fear never left me. It was the beginning of the end.

Day by day, week by week, my headphones became sicker. Like a loved one in a sickbed slowly fading away before your eyes, my headphones lost their strength, and seemingly their will to live. Almost all twisting and turning yielded no results now; I had to pull back on the wire and keep it that way, by looping the cord around the laptop and holding it in place.

Even then, the stone had been cast, and the ripples were ever spreading. Like a cancer that nothing could stop, the disease spread, and today, my headphones gave a final gasp, and passed away.

It was a fitting end; I was watching Prince Caspian and the final battle, just as the music was swelling and they were all yelling “For Narnia!!!” and running with swords outstretched.

No headphone could have asked for a finer passing.

I am sorry, forgive these tears. Forgive my trembling voice, my quivering lip. It is difficult to continue. As I cradle you in my lap, I remember all the movies we watched, all the things you played to keep me company and inspired as I wrote. And I realize that I am writing this to you, my old friend. My tribute to you, a fallen comrade, a hero who will never be forgotten. My third pair of headphones; another piece torn out of my soul.

What is this curse that has claimed my friend, my companion for these last few months that seemed like forever? Is it a conspiracy by earphone and headphone manufacturers, that they design an expiry date into all products just so we undefended consumers keep paying them more and more for friends that keep dying in our hands?

I do not know. But headphones, you will not have died in vain. You may have fallen; but your memory will live on. I have set my sights on a Beats pair, and I know that somehow, you will connect with me again through them, from the great Beyond.

Ladies and Gentlemen: to my headphones.

(Photo credits: N)