It was a few months ago when I
joined The Iron Writers, and since then, it’s been uphill for me. The
confidence I was lacking, the inspiration I needed; I found it all there, being
shared out liberally among all the amazing, incredible people who make up the
group.
Each and every single writer
there is unique in their way, and yet at the same time, they all share one
beautiful quality: they know how to have fun.
In between the soul draining,
four-element-related challenges that Brian constantly manages to cook up, TIWs
keep things going on the group Facebook page, and it looks like one of the job
specifications of being an Iron Writer is to be able to embarrass, insult,
harass and victimize fellow respected Irons on a constant basis, all in the
name of sharing laughs.
Wars of words rage, and alliances form and
break off quicker than those in Westeros; and when the gauntlet is thrown,
things are settled in what TIWs call a Grudge Match, which, though I’m still
fuzzy about it, I’m willing to try out should the occasion arise.
Suffice it to say that there’s
always something interesting or downright hilarious going on there. Most of the
time, I watch from the sidelines and poke a cautious needle when the
opportunity presents itself, but since I’m still a newbie, I try not to get
right down into it.
The unexpected happened, though,
when fellow Iron Writer Neal Sayatovich changed his profile picture recently,
and in it he displayed a truly magnificent growth of facial hair. It literally
begged for comment, and comments did it get, courtesy of yet another talented IW,
Dani J Caile.
To understand what came next,
you really have to see the picture. Since Neal took the trouble to post his
version of events on his blog, I’ll steer you to that, right here.
Now that you’ve seen the picture
for yourself, you’ll probably understand why Dani, after seeing it
himself, could not leave well enough alone. After this:
…and then this:
…he finally did this:
…and, well, that’s where I come
in. No invitation ever gets more open than that; and frankly, I couldn’t help
myself, either.
Within about twelve hours, we
had created a masterpiece there on that thread, an unprompted, unrehearsed bit
of literature that had me crying with laughter at every new paragraph Dani added.
With permission from both Neal,
the inspiration, and Dani, the instigator (who also has his telling of the
telling of this story on his blog. Read about it right here), I give hereby
give you the Tale of Depressed Goatee.
Enjoy:
Dani J Caile:
Neal loved his
pet beard. It was the most loyal and warm of all his clumps of facial hair, and
on cold wet morning walks it would save its master's chin from the perils of
the northern winds.
Me:
The
relationship Neal shared with his goatee went beyond that of mere man and
beard. It was a bond of unity, of brotherhood, of love beyond measure.
But
neither could have seen how this bond was to be put to the test, when that
fateful morning, Neal looked into the mirror to see the newly growing
sproutlings of a pair of sideburns.
Dani J Caile:
And there the
dilemma began, a rivalry never seen before on the face of Neal. At first the
sideburns were mere ornaments, emphasizing the manly contours of his broad
face, but then they grew, unabated until they too became a major feature on
Neal's facebook profile picture.
Me:
Goatee
began to feel it was being left out. All the facebook selfies Neal took now
displayed the unabashed glory of those chunky sideburns... and yet never failed
to heartlessly crop out the lower half of Goatee's dwindling majesty.
Dani J Caile:
For a while,
all was calm, one existing without the other, each reigning over their own
territories of their master's domain, basking in their own prickily existence,
until that one fateful day when their hairs intwined...
Me:
...the
day when Neal, while stroking Goatee, reached up and began to stroke The
Sideburns as well. To Goatee, the abandonment was raw, undefinable. That its
strokes were being usurped by stubble of much lower birth....
Dani J Caile:
...and higher
altitude. Goatee had no other choice but to summon the help of his dear old
friend and patriot, Comb, to suppress and push down The Sideburns' audacity!
Me:
But Comb, though literally a lifelong friend
to Goatee, would not take its side. As despair, dismay and hurt grew, Goatee
began to lose weight. It would wake up every morning feeling more brittle than
the day before, and grew paler as the days passed.
Dani J Caile:
It wasn't long before Goatee, once filled with
life and vigor hitherto seen upon Neal's face, lost all hope and sadly turned
into the bedraggled green mass of facial bristles that can now be witnessed on
facebook.
Me:
Remorse
overcame The Sideburns. They never meant for Goatee to lose its lustre, shed
its shine, turn into the patch of fungus that it resembled now. For the sake of
Goatee, their stricken brethren, they decided to let go of life, to moult away
and leave Neal's cheeks as soft and as baby's bottom smooth as it had been before
the troubles began.
What I would have given to see
poor Neal’s face when he looked up his Facebook notifications the next morning…
The best thing of all about this
is that Dani and I did not say a word to each other from the moment it began until
the last bit was over. Only after it was done did we start chatting again via
Facebook, and there was general congratulations all round. Moments like these,
totally random, unprompted, unexpected moments; well, you make the most of them
when they happen.
I’m letting Dani have all the
rights to this story. In all fairness, it wouldn’t have started off without his
idea of a relay prompt, and besides, he could do a lot more with it than I
could right now.
Go ahead and check out Dani J
Caile on Blogspot, and Neal Sayatovich on Wordpress, a couple of talented and well
respected writers whom I look up to and admire.
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